


Christmas Tunes

by Batsutousai



Series: Shattered Glass [4]
Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst and Humor, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-17
Updated: 2012-08-17
Packaged: 2017-11-12 07:47:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/488439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batsutousai/pseuds/Batsutousai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony has always hated Christmas, because Christmas is a time for family, and that's not something Tony Stark has ever had. And then he does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Christmas Tunes

**Author's Note:**

> Once upon a moment of insanity, I wrote a song parody titled [_The Twelve Days of Invasion_](http://archiveofourown.org/works/487815). And then the lovely akuma_river was like, 'Tony would totally sing this parody!' And my brain went, 'FIC!'  
>  Fuck you, brain. Fuck. You.
> 
> The first part of this falls during the end of _Whatever Lies Beyond This Morning_ , and the second part falls after Rough Edges, which is not complete. And since my characters have a bad habit of running off with the plot, this may not completely fit together once I'm done with that fic, but here you go anyway. XP  
> This _shouldn't_ have any spoilers for the series. Beyond, you know, Loki and Tony hooking up. *SPOILED* XD

Tony hated Christmas. He also hated his birthday, Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, and – when he was irritated with Steve – Independence Day. Save the last one, all of those holidays were about being with someone, with family or a significant other. And Tony, well, Tony Stark didn't do families, and he apparently didn't do significant others, either, so he hated all of the above.

When Tony'd been a kid, his parents had always found ways to avoid being home for Christmas. Oh, they'd made sure he had all the gifts he could ever want, but they were never there. "Travel is easier on holidays," Howard Stark would always say, and Maria Stark always seemed to have a party on the other side of the country, or in France, or Spain, or anywhere that wasn't New York, wasn't with Tony.

So Tony didn't like Christmas, because Christmas had never been happy. And if he'd thought he could finally enjoy a Christmas, what with the Avengers moving in with him, he was sorely mistaken.

Natasha and Clint had been handed a mission the week before Christmas, some sort of undercover op, and Fury had suggested they not leave any lights on for the two agents until after the start of the new year. Jane had gone to see family, and with her gone, Thor had decided to spend a lot of time in Asgard, with _his_ family. (And screw those gods and Loki's ugly mug, anyway. They could _have_ Thor and his stupid, culturally disabled self.) Steve wanted to spend Christmas with those few survivors that he'd known in the forties, who Tony had helpfully hunted down for him and bought a plane ticket. Bruce hated big holidays as much as Tony did, and with everyone else gone, he felt safer taking his green self away from civilisation and the chance of hurting Tony.

And Pepper, of course, was still avoiding him outside work. Was still avoiding him _during_ work, if she could. And Tony made that easy for her, sent her away from New York, more than making her work in it.

 _Screw the whole lot of them,_ Tony decided somewhere in between bottles two and five of his best whiskey. _Screw them and screw holidays and fuck **everybody**. Fuckers._

Somewhere between bottle five of the whiskey and bottle two of 'Tony was way too drunk to know what he was reaching for', Tony thought it would be a fantastic idea to turn on the radio. "JA'VISeses," he slurred.

"Sir," JARVIS replied shortly. Tony had told him off earlier for telling _Tony_ off about his drinking habit and the AI was sulking. Because JARVIS could so _totally_ sulk, Tony'd made sure of that, because Tony didn't want an AI who couldn't sulk properly. Or whine. Or anything and everything. Because he was Tony Stark, and Tony Stark never did anything by halves. Or quarters. Or anything but two hundred percent.

Or something like that.

"Sir?" JARVIS asked, sounding a little worried, and Tony recalled that he'd meant to ask the AI something.

"What wa– Oh! Muskicks! _Bad_ muskicks!"

JARVIS was far too used to following a drunk Tony, because Christmas music started playing almost immediately.

_"–Bob-tail ring, making spirits bright, what fun it is–"_

"–to get drunk off my ass tonight. Oh, jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg," Tony sang, falling a couple beats behind but keeping on because making fun of Christmas songs had been one of his favourite activities since he was a kid. "Reindeer Games got his ass handed to him by a man in spandex shorts!"

"That doesn't match up at all, Sir," JARVIS pointed out, and Dummy whirred an agreement as he brought over a new bottle from the bar.

Tony considered his almost empty bottle, took a long swig to finish it, then rolled it away and took the new offering. " _You_ ," he said to Dummy, "are my _fav'rite_. Absolute. Better than ceiling grump. Channel! Channel!" he called to JARVIS, tired of _Jingle Bells_.

 _"And a partridge in a pear tree,"_ sang the radio. _"On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me–"_

"Six hot chicks kissing, fi-ive Avengers missing! Four bombs go boom, three villains doomed, two guns aimed at my head, and a Hawkeye shooting arrows left and right! –seventh day of Christmas my worst enemy gave to me: Seven bottles of poison, six angry firemen, fi-ive broken robots! Four– Oh, Dummy, no, no. Not you. We're not– come back here, you sad piece of scrap metal," Tony pleaded as Dummy whirred away, arm drooping. "You can't leave me alone on _Christmas_. You're my best bud. My rock. Solid. You– Okay, yeah, I love you too," Tony said as Dummy rolled back over and returned to supporting Tony.

"Perhaps, Sir, it's time for you to sleep," JARVIS suggested, turning the music off.

"Aw, JARVIS, we were _mocking_ that! Back, back! Mocking!"

"You can mock it more later, Sir," JARVIS replied.

Tony sighed and muttered about AIs staging revolutions, but climbed to his feet all the same and let Dummy help him down to his floor.

When Steve got back the next morning and found the line-up of empty bottles, he was quite furious with Tony, yelling in spite of Tony's pounding head. (Or perhaps because of it; Captain America had quite the mean streak when he was upset.)

Thor had congratulated him on a well-spent holiday – apparently getting so drunk you threw up was a thing _everyone_ did on Asgard –, but everyone else living in the tower was disapproving of Tony's drinking habit. Though Steve was the only one that yelled. (Unless you counted Hulk, who took a moment after they'd knocked down the party of Doombots two days after Christmas to roar in Tony's face.)

-0-

  


Tony's second Christmas as an Avenger was everything the first one _hadn't_ been: Natasha and Clint got zero missions, Jane remained with Thor, Steve decided to make his trip around during New Years, Bruce felt safe staying in the tower – even if he did spend more time acting zen in the lab than joining everyone for some alcoholic eggnog –, Pepper and Happy had spent the night before together on Loki's old floor, and Tony woke curled against his own personal snowman. (Calling Loki 'Frosty' had been banned as soon as the snow had started falling, on pain of an indoor blizzard, especially after Clint started making jokes about button noses and bought an old top hat from the thrift store around the block. Clint spending the next four hours as a snowman out on the balcony had totally been worth Steve's disapproval and the nickname banning.)

Tony crawled out of bed and failed to not wake Loki, grinning at the sleepy smile his lover shot him. "Morning, Rudolph."

"Don't let Barton hear you calling me that," Loki warned, amused, and Tony loved how quickly Loki had adapted to Earth culture, especially since Thor still had trouble with the mere _idea_ of Christmas, and Steve was still boggled at how much of a production the holiday had become.

"Yeah, really. He'll start going on about red noses–"

"And missing out on the 'reindeer games'," Loki added, green eyes laughing over the curl of his lips.

And, okay, Tony wasn't sure how he'd survived so long without Loki in his life. Because the god was just...fucking perfect. _All the time._ How'd he _do_ that? It should have been more unfair, but, then, Tony had caught him, which meant _something_. Right?

Right.

"Reindeer games are for losers, anyway. He's just jealous that the antlers get in the way of birdies dive-bombing them," Tony decided and Loki laughed.

They got ready to leave their floor with only a minor distraction – a ten minute fuck over the bathroom sink was totally a minor distraction, especially since they'd ended up back on the bed for thirty minutes yesterday, and the shower the day before had taken almost an hour – and walked into the kitchen to find Clint singing – badly – along with the radio, dancing a vaguely irritated Natasha around the floor while Phil hid behind his mug.

"Laugh, and I will stab you somewhere that hurts like hell, but that you won't die from," Natasha threatened, catching sight of Tony's grin over Clint's shoulder.

"I should be interested to see if you can," Loki purred and Natasha rolled her eyes.

"Hey, Merida, you've left your prince charming all by himself," Tony called.

"Don't involve me in this," Phil said into his mug, eyes promising a slow, painful death.

"First off, Merida didn't _have_ a prince," Clint called back, "and, second, I am _not_ the bitch–"

"Yeah, yeah you totally are," Tony returned, grinning. And he had _proof_ , which he would totally play. For the entire team. If only to watch Steve go bright red and sputter. "You are, in fact, _twice_ the bitch." He looked between Phil and Natasha and Clint's eyes narrowed, but he didn't deny it. And if Phil and Natasha both looked a little pleased with themselves and less inclined to maim Tony, well, all for the better.

 _"Dashing through the snow,"_ the radio sang out, _"in a one-horse open sleigh."_

"O'er the buildings I fly, blowing shit up all the way," Tony added and Clint burst out laughing. Natasha took her chance to slip out of his grasp and return to her seat, leaving room between herself and Phil for Clint. And Tony would _never_ get their weird little threesome thing. Really. _Never_.

"Those aren't the words," Loki pointed out drily as plates with a proper breakfast floated over to them; Tony was getting maybe a _little_ spoiled by Loki's magic always doing things for him, but Loki didn't seem to mind.

"Making lyrics up is part of the fun!" Tony insisted, and Loki gave him that look that said, 'Why do I put up with you again?'

"Jingle bells, Batman smells–" Clint joined in with the chorus.

"Robin laid an egg!" Tony continued, leaving his plate to float over to his usual spot at the breakfast bar while he joined Clint in dancing around the kitchen while they sang the popular alteration to the song.

"I vote for murdering them both," Tony heard Natasha say to the other two.

"I vote for leaving them out in the snow," Loki replied and Natasha smiled in such a way that Tony was afraid she would actually _help_ the god shove them out the glass doors.

Tony and Clint traded wide-eyed looks, then immediately stopped dancing and hurried to their seats.

Some minutes later, coinciding with Steve, Pepper, and Happy entering the kitchen, _Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer_ came on. Loki sort of froze in his seat, and then,

"Loki the pale-skinned Jötun, didn't like swinging swords," Clint sang, and it was clear he'd figured out his new lyrics previously. "And if you ever met him, you might think him a pretty girl–"

" _Clint_!" Steve snapped. Natasha hit Clint's arm while Phil and Pepper both shot him disapproving looks.

But Tony was laughing hysterically and Loki's eyes danced with humour even as green sparkled along the breakfast bar, along Clint's arm, and up to his nose. Which started to glow a steady green. Clint went cross-eyed staring at it and Natasha held out her hand for a high-five, which Loki completed with a smirk.

Tony may or may not have fallen out of his chair.

Two hours later, everyone had gathered around the giant tree that was sort of blocking the way to Tony's bar – he was pretty sure Steve had done that on purpose, possibly through collaboration with JARVIS and Pepper, but he had no proof –, having just finished opening the pile of gifts. Bruce was smiling from under his noise-cancelling headphones and Thor was failing miserably at singing along with _I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas_ while Jane tried to coach him through the right words and Loki helpfully supplied the wrong ones.

Clint – nose still glowing green – had joined Tony in making up lyrics for Christmas songs, so they could be prepared when the next one came on. They'd finished re-working _Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer_ – though whether either of them would be daring enough to sing it with Loki in the room was another matter – and _Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer_ , and were currently arguing the wording of _The Twelve Days of Christmas_.

"That," Clint insisted to Tony's suggestion of 'two Director Furys', "is going to give me _nightmares_. I'm going to go to bed tonight–"

"With Phil, or 'Tasha?" Tony asked sweetly.

"Are you ever _not_ going to mention that?"

"When it gets old, maybe," Tony decided. "Which it's not. You know, the thing about two Furys is that they'd actually have a full face between them."

Clint sort of stared at him for a moment before curling himself into a ball and cackling into his knees.

Tony grinned and marked that they were definitely keeping that line. Because, really, he was awesome. "I have four repulsors."

"Yeah, okay," Clint agreed, straightening. "Spiders have eight legs."

They traded snickers and Tony made a note that Natasha would fill in for eight. "How many Hulks is too many?"

" _One_ ," Clint swore and Tony cackled a bit. Clint grabbed the tablet and scrolled through the original lyrics, then pointed to six. "Hulks smashing?"

"Really? Only six?"

"Six Hulks _may_ be more terrifying than two Furys," Clint informed him with a straight face.

"Two one-eyed Furys," Tony sang as he put Hulk in at six and Clint muffled a sort of half-moan, half-giggle against his knees. "Hey, Loki clones!"

"Jesus, _no_. My _heart_. Think of the _children_."

"Kids totally love him, shut up."

"Technically, kids love _her_."

"Semantics." Tony waved a hand at Clint and put Loki down for twelve, just to hear that giggle-moan again. He was having JARVIS record that so he could use it for Clint's ringtone on his phone. Not that Clint ever _called_ him or anything; it was the principle of the thing.

They filled in most everything with spots for the entire team with only a bit more cackling. Until they had three spots left.

"What about Phil?" Tony realised, looking towards where the agent was smiling with Steve.

"The cards," Clint said, voice heavy, and there was no humour to be found in that, but that had been Phil's contribution to everything, as much as any of their weapons in the battle.

And when had this fun bit of parodying Christmas songs to fit their awkward family turn into remembering what had brought them together?

"Is this still fun?" Tony wanted to know.

Clint looked over their lyrics, at all the hints of violence under their laughing, and said, "It's us."

Tony nodded and added Phil's cards for nine. They added in the civilians and a nod to Clint and Selvig's time under Loki's control, and it was done.

 _The Twelve Days of Christmas_ came on, as if someone knew they had finished their lyrics, and Tony and Clint traded looks.

They sang along quietly, mostly unheard under Thor's terrible rendition, but Steve and Loki both had excellent hearing and they turned to look, Loki with curiosity, Steve with irritation.

"Can you two not behave–?" Steve started before he caught 'three controlled friends' and he went very, very still.

Loki clapped his hand over Thor's mouth, uncertainty dark in his eyes, and Clint and Tony trailed away in the sudden silence.

Natasha reached over and took the tablet, looked over the lyrics, and her expression tightened, but she joined in, coaxing them along, and the three of them were singing together. And it wasn't really fun, though the two Furys and 'Hawkeye on a rooftop' got some grins. Bruce pulled off his headphones to hear 'six Hulks-a-smashing' and shifted closer to get a look at the tablet Natasha had handed off to Steve and Phil.

By the time they reached the twelfth day, everyone had seen the tablet and were singing along, scrunched closer together so they could all see the changed lyrics. And it wasn't funny, was the least amount of fun that Tony'd ever had singing an altered song, but Clint was right: It was them. It was their story, a reminder of who they were and how far they'd come.

It was a reminder that they were a family, now, that they could sing together with old wounds.

And Tony thought, as they traded sad smiles over the last 'Hawkeye on a rooftop', _Maybe Christmas isn't so bad._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on a writing streak. Damn. XD
> 
> I swear I didn't mean for it to end on such a glum note, but that's where it went. (Well, I _say_ glum, but it's sort of upbeat, yeah? IDK. I may need sleep. And to stop drinking tea. ^.^")
> 
> ~Bats ^.^x
> 
> (ETA - Clint and Tony's versions of the _Rudolph_ parody can be found [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/497719).


End file.
